The Day I Quit Worship Leading… Almost

It was the middle of a Sunday service.

I was kneeling in the green room, soaking the sofa in saline water from my tear ducts, with shame and embarrassment.

And I was praying requesting begging God to allow me to quit worship leading.

A lot was going on in the background (literally and figuratively). But the biggest of all was my insecurity and sense of failure.

I had seen celebrity worship leaders and musicians belt out like a child’s play, followed by my haphazard session that had to be rescued. Others had to take over my session to salvage whatever was left of the worship session.

Comparisons and a sense of failure convinced me I was not cut out for worship leading.

And so I bargained with God.

I’ll quit worship leading and serve Him in any other possible way. Placing chairs. Ushering. Administration. Whatever.

I gave Him proofs (as if He needed them). “I am useless as a worship leader. I am not worthy to be one. I am a failure. I am not cut out for worship leading. This is all an accident. Use me in any other capacity but worship. Thanks.”

I didn’t wait for His response. I said, “Deal”.

Until He responded.

Through the sermon that followed.

The speaker talked about 4 principles to follow for a changed life.

1. Never say “it is a chance” when God makes a “choice”.
2. Never say “never” when God says “now”.
3. Never say “I am unworthy” when God convicts you of your sin.
4. Never say “I am useless” when God says “I need you”.

Ouch! Touché!

I tried sliding down the chair and hiding my face behind my Bible but realised it didn’t work with Him. So I conceded.

“Okay, Lord. You win. I won’t quit worship leading. But I don’t want to be intimidated by comparing myself with other better, skilled, experienced, and renowned worship leaders. I will give my best in what I know, and my eyes will only be on You. Please help me not get drowned in this feeling of failure again. Deal?”

God didn’t respond.

Not until the next day.

In a dramatic way.

Publicly.

In front of hundreds of people.

Through another speaker.

I had led worship again in the presence of skilled, renowned celebrity worship leaders. But this time, it was different. My physical eyes were on the crowd, but I was focused on God, keeping my end of the deal.

And then, as the speaker rose to preach, he pointed towards me and said, “Hey, worship leader. When you were leading worship, God spoke to me and said He will anoint You and use you in worship.”

I was now soaking my cheeks in saline water from my tear ducts, with joy and gratitude.